The Dandy Dons Union Street Aberdeen FC Dandy Megastore™ exclusive designs and ideas. A look inside the Aberdeen FC flagship Union Street Store.
Giant banners to be added, hanging down the height of the building. A little bit like the Nazis, but without the fascism, as another Scottish team have that covered. When it’s dark, red lights will shine into the sky hundreds of metres above Union Street. They will be able to see them from Dundee.
Other elements to the Dandy Megastore™ will include:
The Donald Family Cinema
After you’ve seen around the museum, pop into the 50 seat cinema. Occasionally the Cup Winners Cup Final on a loop will be broken up by actual matches. And depending on how the live game is going, the Gothenburg game might go back on before the end.
The cinema will have a bar, as we are good people, who can be trusted with a beer, in a glass, in a cinema.
Ian Donald will come round with ice creams on a tray at half time, with a wee torch, and tell those talking too much to shush.
The Pittodrie Virtual Reality Experience
Wonder at the Pittodrie virtual reality experience through the ages. In the 1920’s part, you will feel the itch of your flat cap, and it will feel like someone is pissing down your leg, and you have rickets.
Through the decades the delicate sound of sweety wrappers changes, reflecting the appearance of new sweets arriving on the market. The aroma of Pandrops changes to Spangles and onto Menthos, and all the time no matter what decade, over your shoulder some miserable bastard will be moaning like hell.
When you reach the Bayern game in 1983, once again that feeling of someone pissing down your leg will hit you. But this time it will be real, and it will be you pissing yourself, at the sheer unadulterated joy of Pittodrie’s Greatest Night.
Heaven – the sports bar
Named after the Swedish nightclub Dandy supporters found themselves in Gothenburg on the 11th of May 1983. Mein host, Craigie Broon will regale you with stories from back when he was Scotland manager if you misbehave or cause any trouble. Fortunately Sir Archie Knox will ensure the bar has speedy service, with all the beers at optimal quality, as throughout his career he is used to doing all the work while others get the credit.
Former players will occasionally work as guest barman for the evening. Former players that can be trusted near alcohol, a till, credit cards, and to give the correct change from a twenty quid note. So Brian Irvine, Russell Anderson and, and, oh there must be more than that. Surely. Aye we’ll get back to you on that one. (Update: since this was first posted it has been announced Sam Cosgrove is studying accountancy…)
There will be Harper’s Lager, but not by the bottle. Only on draft. So finally, Harper’s a barrel… Here all week, enjoy the beef burgers.
The REAL Aberdeen Angus Steak and Burger Restaurant
We all love Angus the Bull. So much, we’d like to eat him. Enjoy the succulent beef of our region that others have marketed in restaurants way better than us, in the surroundings of the Aberdeen FC flagship restaurant. REAL geddit?! REAL!!
Quality locally produced ingredients, prepared by specialised chefs, the way they are prepared for the professional athletes at AFC. Aberdeen FC are a brand associated with health and fitness, with it’s own young, fit brand icons. A brand that will never go out of date plus tapping into the North East’s finest ingredients being world renowned for their quality… it’ll niver work min.
Special Beers exclusive to the Dandy Megastore
Brewsheep! Hello court case, if not brewed by the fellas up the road. Exclusively designed by The Dandy Dons (the artwork) these craft beers, brewed with local ingredients?, with an oak? finish and, I don’t know, hoppy, tasty, beery, with the added essence of two European trophies (now we’re talking). Beers. Dandy beers.
This silly design, is just me messing around. But notice how nice it looks. It looks nice because something is missing. The Aberdeen FC badge. Designed by Donald Addison, who taught me briefly at Gray’s School of Art (and was my neighbour for about five years) the badge is a wonderful piece of design. But it’s designed to be on a football strip, and by their nature are heavily detailed branding. There is a tendency with merchandise in football clubs (and not having a go at Afc) to just stick the badge on something. That’ll do, sell it in the shop as merch. And it usually looks very tacky. Use the components of the badge maybe, but not the whole thing. It says it’s official, that’s all it needs. End of design lesson/lecture.
I have a lot of Aberdeen FC craft beer ideas… An IPA (Indian pale Ale) called Tattie. Neale was born in India. A golden beer with a blonde head, 8.3%. Kick like a mule… all profits to the dog home he supported. With his family’s permission. Any craft breweries out there… I can design the label.
The Aberdeen FC Museum
We trust Chris Gavin and the rest of the Aberdeen Heritage Trust team to deliver something sensational for the museum. In particular the section on The Northern Light fanzine that has been mentioned.
As a contributor to The Northern Light, I’m expecting my two covers to feature prominently. Perhaps a shrine, where visitors can light a candle in thanks for our collective genius and the campaigns to get Portaloo and Smiffy sacked that would have happened anyway.
Like the Clash, Nirvana and Elvis, it all ended too soon for The Northern Light. Probably most like Elvis on that list. On the toilet, bloated, and full of shit…
The Gordon Reid Gallery Rooms
By way of an annex to the Super Dandy Mega Store, Aberdeen Art Gallery will finally get it’s act together, and have the greatest North East artist of a generation, Gordon Reid, featured in his own permanent gallery rooms. They will come from far and wide to witness the great man’s art in the flesh. But probably not from Boomtown Books, the Donald Family, the Milne Family… actually quite a long list won’t make it.
The St Clair Casino
Top floor. The St Clair Casino. Relive the magnificent journey in the casino. Let the dice roll, the beer flow, and dinnae forget the cairds. All beer served in cans of Tennents. At the end of the evening a croupier will shake you about a bit, for that wee bit sea sick feeling.