Teenage kicks

So I did something I’m ashamed of. Really ashamed of. The video some of you will have seen on social media of the climbing of the Pittodrie floodlights… I clicked the link. I know, terrible and shameful. I clicked on a link that took me into The Daily Record website.

I’d already seen some of the comments, as I would normally just ignore that sort of thing. ‘Shocking, disgraceful, vandals, should be locked up’. But it was the floodlights and they are my favourite part of Pittodrie, maybe my favourite bits of architecture in the whole world.

So I clicked on the link. And then I went from half sneering disapproval to admiring the view, and then praying they would get down safe. Worrying what their Mums thought every time they left the house.

Then I wondered why they did it, and why didn’t they climb a mountain instead? A nice big safe mountain, with a big bouncy castle at the bottom so if they fall off, they’ll be fine. Which is how mountaineering works right? No one falls to their death there…

So why are the floodlights special to me? They are the keeper of the magical midweek atmosphere, piercing the North East sky and everything the North Sea can throw at us. The beacons that call us to the games and light up the stage. Pittodrie, the grass an electric green, the lights picking off the red on Peter Weir’s shirt as he darts between defenders.

The new stadium will have lights, but it won’t have floodlights. They are not needed, so Stewart Milne won’t have them. He won’t be designing the stadium but it will be built in his reflected style. That of his houses. Ruthlessly effective, ruthlessly sound, ruthlessly solid, ruthlessly unimaginative, ruthlessly lacking aesthetics or vision. The Stewart Milne way.

So they get down okay, and you have to admire their bravery and skill. Climbing from the lower deck to the upper deck is a particularly impressive feat, and must have had Dick Donald spinning in his grave. At the thought of them getting in without paying. And lads, stoppit! You will never reach higher than the Dandy Dons blog again, so consider your climbing career, peaked.